Ah Beng, Ah Seng & Ah Lian......

On Thu, 27 Jan 2005 10:24:11 +0800, norashikin_z@petronas.com.my
Subject: Ah Beng, Ah Seng & Ah Lian......Hope u enjoy....

A little something to beat the Monday blues...

Jokes starring Ah Beng, Ah Seng & Ah Lian......Hope u enjoy......

Ah Seng wants to make love with Ah Lian but he is afraid that Ah Lian will
get pregnant, so he
approaches his friend Ah Beng for advice. Ah Beng said "Aiya, very easy
one lah. Nah, take this packet of condoms and follow the instructions,
nothing will happen one."
So Ah Seng takes the condom and at night makes love with Ah Lian. Two
months later, Ah Seng comes to look for Ah Beng and tells him that Ah Lian
is pregnant.
"Cannot be what, did you follow the instructions or not?" asks Ah Beng.
"Na -bei! Got lah. The box says "Stretch the condom over organ before
intercourse, I got no organ, so I stretch it over my
piano loh."

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Ah Beng and Ah Seng rent a boat and fish in a lake everyday. One day, they
caught 30 fishes.
Ah Beng said to Ah Seng," Mark this spot so that we can come back here
again tomorrow."
The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, Ah Beng asked Ah
Seng," Did you mark that spot?" Ah Seng replied," Yeah, I put a big X on
the bottom of the boat," Ah Beng said," You stupid fool! What if we don't
get that same boat today !?!?"

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Ah Beng serving his NS overseas and far from home, was annoyed and upset
when his girl Ah Lian wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for
her photograph back. He went out and collected from his friends all the
unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all
together and sent them to her with a note stating the following: "Regret
cannot remember which one is you.............. please keep your photo and
return the others."

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Once Ah Beng , Ah Seng and Ah Lian went for dinner at the Compass Rose at
the top of the Westin Stamford . After dinner, they went to the lift
scanned the buttons and couldn't find the button for the first floor. Ah
Beng suggested taking the stairs but Ah Lian decided to press the lift
button "G". They found themselves on the first ground and Ah Beng
remarked, "Wah, you so smart, ah. How did you know this was ground floor?"
Ah Lian replied ," Aiyah so simple you also dunno! G: stands for gero
loh!"

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One evening, Ah Beng and Ah Lian went to a lounge and requested the DJ to
play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Lo Ti" (Ah Cheng buys bread). The DJ told
them they only played English songs and asked them to request another
song. They were upset and complained to the manager that the DJ was
insulting them. After many hours of calming them down, the manager found
out they were
actually requesting the Righteous Brothers song, "Unchained Melody".

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Ah Beng and Ah Seng went to a hawker centre. Ah Seng noticed the hygiene
grades issued by the Ministry of Health pasted at each stall and asked Ah
Beng, "Eh, the 'A', 'B', 'C' and 'D' stand for what ah?" Ah Beng snorted
and said, "Aiyah, this sort of thing you also dunno! 'D' stand for
'delicious', 'C' stand for 'can eat', 'B' stand for 'buay sai' (cannot)
and 'A' stand for
'Alamak'!"

=======================================================

Long time ago, a rich Singapore tycoon wanted to know how happy a man
could be if he was given one wish. He paid three people to test out his
experiment. The rules were:
1. Each person could only have one wish.
2. They will be left on a deserted island for 30 years.
3. Food, but not liquor would be provided.

The first contestant, Billy Clinton (USA) asked for 30 prettiest PLAYBOY
centerfolds: "So I can make the most beautiful babies in the world."
The second contestant, JoHn Major (UK) said, "I want 30 years' supply of
booze."
The last contestant, Ah Beng (Singapore) said, "I want 30 years' supply of
Saa-lim (Salem) cigarettes so I can smoke until I song-song."

30 years later, the three contestants came back for a press conference.
Billy had with him 200 children and 30 estranged women. He remarked, "It
has been a long
sexual experience for me and was wondering whether anyone care to buy a
child. I will even throw in the mother for free!"

Jon, hanging on to a bottle of beer, was suffering from a hangover but he
managed to utter these words. "God save the Beer! The Queen can drink
seawater."

The last contestant, Ah Beng, hugging onto cartons of Salem shouted, "Ni
na beh! Buay kee gia lighter!!!" (@#$*! Forgot to bring lighter!)

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Last night, an incident took place at Boat Quay. What happened was some
idiot was trying to show off and declared that he could swim across the
Singapore River. He jumped in and started swimming. But before he could
reach the halfway mark, he started to panic and started to shout for help.
Being typical Singaporeans, a crowd started to gather to watch and yet no
attempt was made by anybody to save that poor chap. Suddenly there was a
splash and the crowd turned to see a guy doing what seemed like a
desperate attempt to reach the drowning victim. It was clear
that this hero couldn't swim! Luckily a tongkang filled with tourists was
passing by and the operator saw the incident and picked both men from the
water.
The crowd cheered! Back on shore, the crowd cheered again as the hero
stepped off the tongkang. "Steady lah!" and "Awright, man!" were among any
congratulations shouted. Ah Beng looked angry and shouted "Ka ni na! Siang
too wa loh chui?" (*%#@!
Who pushed me into the water?")

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Ah Beng joined a quiz show and was asked to name three fruits whose names
begin with "A". Ah Beng immediately said "Apple?Apricot?" then he was
stumped.
After a while, he finally shouted triumphantly, "Ang Mor Tan!" (Rambutan)

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Ah Beng ordered a pizza and the waitress asked if he should cut it in six
or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

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"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Ah Beng looked skyward and said, "Where, where got?"

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